The First Night (Mastectomy Part 4)

The first night was HORRIBLE.  Actually, it was worse than horrible.  Unfortunately, I really only have myself to blame.  Prior to surgery, I really wasn't sure how I was going to sleep once I got home.  All of my blog research had most people sleeping in recliners, so I initially thought that was the plan of action, and Jay even agreed to sleep on the couch so I would be alone.  Well, that is the first place I went when I got home, and NO, not going to happen.  It was so incredibly uncomfortable and painful for me.  The couch was fine for naps and laying about, but I knew it would not happen for nighttime.

One big problem with our bed is the height.  On a good day I need to giddy up a bit to get it.  Clearly there was going to be no giddy up to be had.  Husband to the rescue - he brought home a step ladder, but then even that had a flaw at first.  It was wonderful for sitting down on the bed, but attempting to lay down had be in pain and on the verge of tears.  So, he stepped in and helped me lower myself with the least amount of pain.  We bought a pregnancy pillow that could be unvelcroed and assembled in various ways, so we made a big U with it and I was enveloped in pillows and couldn't roll over if I wanted to.  Great! Took pain meds, and good night!

Throughout all of these surgeries, I have tried to limit my use of pain pills.  Normally I would take them before bed and then wait to retake them until the morning.  Well...I woke up and was in pain, but thought "ahh, Ill just go back to sleep" I woke up again and was in even more pain and really had to go to the bathroom.  What to do? What to do?  I can't get out of bed alone, and really didn't want to wake Jay.  So, I lay there a little longer, then I couldn't wait.  While stifling sobs, I begin to poke Jay (this is all I can do, sadly) and call his name,  He finally wakes up and agrees to help me up and to the bathroom.

I do not think I have cried that hard since I was a baby.  I was in SO MUCH pain!  At one point, while trying to sit in the bathroom, I momentarily threw up the white flag.  I told him I couldn't do it.  At that moment I was so discouraged and scared that this was my future now - lots of pain and no independence.  Thankfully my husband is wonderful and knows me.  He snapped me out of it and I was put on notice that an alarm would be set and from now on during the night I would not be going 12+ hours between meds.  Of course I happily agreed to this plan.

After that, and once the meds kicked in, I was back to sleep and was fine.