Strength..

Up until this point, I liked the general surgeon that performed my first 2 surgeries.  He was older, and kind, and aggressive.  He got my tumor out, and he got it out fast.  Sure, he used staples, which many of my family members (esp my Dad) were none to happy with, but I honestly didn't care.  Throughout this entire journey I have always said, Ultimately it is just a breast.  I'm not that vain - if I have a polka dotted scar from staples. fine.   I mean, who is really going to see it? Me and Jay - and we don't care either.  My husband loves me for me and it doesn't bother him either - thankfully. 

I had many a conversations about possibilities with my mom, and it did come up if I would consider removing my breast if needed.  Without skipping a beat, I said of course!  I just wanted to be healthy. And alive.  Whatever steps I needed to take to reach that goal I would take them.

With that being said...back to my Dr. appt.  In walks my doctor, says hello, and grabs his staple remover.  Without any warning, he begins pulling the stitches, while simultaneously opening the conversation with "If I were you I'd just take the breast, then your problem would be gone."  Yep.  Thats how it started - no warning, hello staple removal and discussion of breast removal.

Mind you, I still did NOT have my pathology results back.   As much as I said, it's just a breast, its still my breast and not a wart that I can removal quickly and without reason.  I started crying, while listen to this MAN discuss removing my breast as if I were getting a tooth pulled.  I wanted to yell, scream, and hit him all at once.  I cried instead.

And questioned.  "Do you have the pathology report?"  "No, they can't come to a conclusive diagnosis.  We are sending it to other labs."  "Have they narrowed it down at least?"  "No"  "Is it cancer?"  "We aren't saying cancer now, but that doesn't mean it won't turn into cancer."

Okay, thanks for that wealth of knowledge Doc! Then he proceeds to tell me how HE would feel so much better if we remove the breast because then the risk is gone.  Well, gee...first off, I don't really care how it would make YOU feel, and last time I checked..I am a woman, I have two breasts, and will always have some degree of risk.

I told him I wanted a second opinion and he promised to set some up for me.  Which he did, and I am forever grateful for his first referral.  I went home, whined a bit, then pulled myself out of it and started researching, ready to tackle the next stage.

My Dad, especially, has some bitter feelings about this Dr.  Yes, I too have some issues with him.  But like I said, I believe everything happens for a reason and people are put in our lives for a reason.  This Dr. got my tumor out and referred me to an amazing breast specialist I LOVE!