Skin..

So...my first appointment with my plastic surgeon was one that filled me with so much anxiety.  I did not know what to expect from the Dr or the actual logistics of the appointment.  Sitting in the waiting room did nothing for my anxiety - it was a mix of patients - women waiting for botox, toddlers with cleft pallets, and women who were clearly going through chemo and reconstruction.  I felt nauseous.  Jay held my hand and quietly reassured me it was fine.

When we finally got back to see the Dr, I was shocked. In a good way.  I am not sure what exactly I was expecting, but Dr. Singhal was not it.  He was younger than what I expected and so very kind.  He through me off early in the conversation by saying, "So when were you diagnosed?"  My heart stopped and I just stared at him.  He proceeded to explain the grey area that phyllodes sort of exists in.  He was very reassuring about the "diagnosis" and what would come ahead.

Next came the not so comforting part - the measuring and planning.  Now, by this point in my journey, I was really no longer uncomfortable topless in a Dr office.  I mean, I was that way at least 3 times a week for a month now, so it was "normal" to me.  Sadly.  But this appt was so different...there I sat on the chair/table as the Dr measured, sat back and thought (complete with hand on chin) and measured some more.  Most of this was done without any conversation.  Even Jay commented afterwards on how awkward HE felt throughout the process.

Once that was over, we began discussing the possible options - a reduction to both breasts or a mastectomy on my right.  At this point it was up in the air until more was known.  He was very forthcoming with the details of all of my options in both situations.  When asking what my expectations were, I just kept responding " I don't really care what my breast ends up looking like.  I just want to be healthy."  I don't think he believed me at first.  He kept saying its not a vanity thing, I want you to be happy and comfortable.  By the end of our conversation, he got it.  I am not attached to my breasts, I want to live, and if that means losing one or both, let's do it.

When we started talking mastectomy, I was initially adamant that I wanted to use my own tissue.  I did not want anything foreign in me or something that required maintenance.  Well, as he explained those options, I started to waiver on my decision.  Instead of worrying, I decided just to continue hope of having a reduction.

I left his office in LOVE with yet another Dr, lots of information, and a sense of relief and comfort that I had a highly capable team in my corner fighting with me.

Next on the calendar - MRI and another ultrasound...